HALF WAY TRIP AROUND THE SUN

HAPPY HALF WAY TRIP AROUND THE SUN SWEET EZRA GIRL. Six whole months of having you, and loving you from here is so beautifully broken. How I wish I knew what you were doing at 6 months old . These are milestones all parents have with their living children. This is how we celebrate her today, and everyday. Through writing about you. I think what is so crazy is how time keeps going as my heart and my whole soul breaks all over again. We wish so much that you got to stay here with us forever.

Oftentimes when I write my posts they are made and written out a little in advance. You know me, miss OCD (thanks dad). I never want to be late, or miss something important. I want to say that what I write each month is pretty well thought out with a lot of prayer, and discernment. Each time I share or write they are food for thoughts, also nugget pieces of what I have learned over this journey. So buckle up friends since grief is a journey. Hopefully you can walk away from my posts feeling something, whatever it may be.

This past month I have been struggling a lot with trust, and hope that there is a plan, and purpose. It is like you are swimming, but all you are doing is treading water and you are in the water like “what the heck am I doing?” That is what these last few weeks have been like. Just so unsteady, but steady in an odd way. I also have felt a lot of hopelessness for various reasons. I guess I cannot say I have ever been hopeless, but I feel it a little bit more now since this journey has begun.

It’s kind of neat how the Lord is good, and is always good how he orchestrates messages you need to hear because he knows your heart. Over this past weekend my dear brother in law spoke in his church of a message of Hope. In his sermon he shared Ezra which I love. I love that her story hopefully points individuals to Christ, and sees that life is not hopeless, and it does not have to stay that way if that is what you feel. In his message he shares a synopsis of the Podcast I did and if you listen to it I hope you hear my hope in it. It is with the hope of Jesus we will meet her in Heaven.

Oftentimes through a deep wave of grief occurs and you get so lost in your emotions. Sometimes it is really hard to fix your eyes and throw your fears into the wind. It is really difficult especially when you live in a world and are told you have “control”, and all you want to do is “control” things. Because if you had control it would make life easier. Which is a HUGE LIE.

These last few weeks have been super tough, just because so much has happened, and celebrations keep happening, and in my heart I know “she should be here”. It’s truly hard to believe that it has been 6 months, because it feels like yesterday I was finding out about her, and preparing. How my heart aches,and misses her every single day. I will always be LOUD about her, and to always share her life. Her life will always matter and holds so much significance.