1/29/2023 Our Due Month

As we close out the first month of 2023 I would like to reflect on this. It was a beautiful but long month. The anticipation for this month to end, well it just felt like it was never going to end. That time was not passing or as fast as it could have been.

This month weighs so heavy. These beginning weeks so heavy. This last week SO HEAVY. MOVING SO EXTRA SLOW. This is our due month. Our due week. This was the month where there was going to be so much joy, and so much celebration for what was to come. Sadly there is none of that for us here. Because we have a child who never got to touch here. There is something to be said that the Heavens weep with us. I find it so interesting how God is so good and you know that he mourns and weeps with you. Every anniversary it snows, every milestone it snows. Which I believe it is God telling me "I see you my daughter, your tears and sadness is not going unnoticed". However I believe that the heavens weep so we are not alone in our grief, but they celebrate. They celebrate Ezra's life so big. So HUGE in the most extravagant ways! Since God knows me he probably throws the most amazing celebrations that are so extravagant! I can only imagine what that must be like! Probably all the balloons, FRENCH FRIES, and SLUSHY'S

I also want to reflect on the miracle that God allows us women to carry life. God intertwined our wombs so carefully, and fully equipped to create, and carry life. Weather you carry life to earth, or straight into eternity YOU DID THAT. You carried life, but I think what is so beautiful for my Ezra is I got to carry her right to her maker. Where she got to meet her Jesus, and be embraced and welcomed into the most beautiful and pure space ever.

It was extremely hard to embrace the baby bump knowing she was never going to touch here. That was one of the hardest uphill battles. I am and was so proud though that my womb kept her safe within me, and so loved from her dad and I. One thing I learned is so much about strength, and what it means to be strong. Not just physically but especially spiritually, and emotionally.

I look at my daughter and think about how STRONG she is, and how much she fought to stay here. She beat so so many odds to fight. To fight so hard. She has taught me so much about strength, and the willingness to keep going. Each child teaches us something, for her I am so grateful for her all that she taught me, and continues to as I figure out this journey as her mommy.

I thought I would add a sweet video to always reflect on her life. Thank you to everyone who has reached these last few days. Knowing this month is so HEAVY. We feel the love. It means so so much to me that my baby girl is never ever forgotten!